Chapter 2

Hi All!!! Thank you sooo much for all the followers!! I probably sound silly always saying that, but I really do appreciate knowing people actually want to read what you write!! :o)

So apparently I thought I posted all of Chapter 1 of Part 2, but when I read through it a day later, it's not all there. Soooo the first paragraph is actually the last paragraph of Chapter 1 (which means we are still in James' point of view) I was going to go back and update it, but it didn't make much sense since you might not go back and read it, so I figured I'd just add it to this post. The rest of this Chapter is all from Hanna's point of view... because obviously she's been through just as much.

So now here I was back in Pittsburgh for my first full season with the team.  Sure, the split between Hanna and I was amicable, but it still took its toll.  Luckily the summer gave me all the time in the world to heal and move on.  Hanna’s blog ended at the end of June when she returned back to Canadian soil and so did the sparse contact we had with each other.  I had no clue what she was up to, despite the fact that I still talked to Brad on a regular basis.  However, Hanna’s name was never mentioned except once.  It was as if Brad knew it would only keep the wounds open and he was doing his best to help them close.  The one time he did say her name was when he called to tell me he wasn’t going to resign with Dallas.  Of course there were a lot of factors that made him want to become a free agent but the one thing that put the icing on the cake for him was the way they handled the Hanna/Rachel situation.

“I have to say that the way they handled Hanna’s situation really left a sour taste in my mouth,” he said the night before they announced his free agency.

I agreed whole heartedly.  The organization was not the same I had been drafted to and in a lot of ways I was glad to be gone, especially if Brad was now leaving.

So the goal this season is to move on to bigger and better things for lack of better terms.

“Where are we headed, Staalsy?”

“Diesel, of course!” he threw back a huge, cheesy, white toothed grin.  “Now this is the way for you to start the season, buddy!”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” I smiled back as we bumped fists.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans

Ch. 2

I acted strong on the phone, but when we hung up my legs fell out from underneath me as I slid down the side of the stucco wall, allowing it to dig deep into my skin as I went to the ground.  I didn’t care about the tourists decked out in party gear walking in and out of the doors that were to the left of me.  I barely heard the loud island music pumping outside to the beautiful picturesque resort.  The only thing I saw was my eyes filling with tears and only heard the sound of my heart breaking.

It was inevitable.  Every day that went by was building the foundation towards this, but it still didn’t make it easy to take, especially knowing he was on the same continent that I had been living on for the past couple months and now I wasn’t even able to see him.  Everything suddenly felt hollow inside.  Even though everything had cooled down from the boiling water we had become in such a short time, I still felt whole knowing he was there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to.  Plus, I had been day dreaming about finally being in his arms again when I got back to North America.  Now all those dreams would stay dreams because there was no more us.

He must have found someone else.  I guess this is why I’ve stayed so independent for so long…

Of course I ended up drinking away my sorrows in the Canary Islands, and what a better place to do it than on a far away islands off the western coast of Africa?!  I was there with some of my new friends from the Red Eagles, the Swedish hockey team that I had interned with.  In fact, one of my travel partners was American Matt Murley.  Matt was a forward for the team and it was likely he wasn’t going to be back for another year, so he too wanted to see the continent.  He had done his tour around the NHL/AHL teams, including the Penguins.  Supposedly he was a legend back in PA for going as Sid Crosby's date for Ryan Malone's wedding a few years back.  Of course I asked him the same question I asked James.  He swears the guy is straight. With my new relationship status, my goal in life has been set in stone.  My other travel buddy was Stephan.  He had been playing for the Eagles for 2 seasons now and was from Sweden.  He also knew how to speak a few languages, that included Spanish, German and enough French to be treated politely.  Steph came was just along for the ride and to act as our tour guide, since he had been to several of places we had on the itinerary.

Both were characters and both had become really good friends.  However, I had never told them about James.  They knew I was seeing someone, but I never told them who or that he was actually playing hockey in the NHL.  The night Matt walked out and found me sobbing was the night I finally opened up and began the healing process.

“You need to tell me what is going on,” Matt spoke quietly as he lead me back to our room.  He was actually a very perceptive, humble guy who I probably would have fallen in love with if my heart hadn’t belonged to someone else at the time I met him.  “I know you have been keeping parts of your personal life, personal; which is totally understandable.  However, it’s time to come clean, Sunshine.”

Sunshine was the nickname he gave me because he claimed my brown eyes sparkled even when the sun wasn’t hitting them, so I was obviously my own ball of fire, he insisted.  Over half of the team called me that during my internship.  As much as I loved my time in Dallas, Timra was even that much better.  There was definitely something about waking up and looking out at the beautiful, historic view from my window every morning that was totally romantic.  It’s just a shame I couldn’t share that with James.

I blew my nose and before he pulled me into his chest to coax me to just relax while I told my story.  “I’m fairly sure I fell in love for the first time this past January…” I began.  He listened to me, only stopping me a few times to ask a question or two but then pushed me to keep talking.  As I spoke, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and by the end I had no more tears to cry; it was as if I finally could move on.  “I feel pathetic considering it was only a month and a half and I act like it was a 10 year relationship…” I mumbled.

“Sometimes you can go through a roller-coaster of emotion in a very short-time and sometimes it might be a lifetime to feel all the feelings you felt in that short amount of time.  It’s nothing to be ashamed about.  I’m fairly sure we all dream about falling in love like that at some point in our life.  However, I’m just confused on why you don’t tell him how you really feel,” Matt asked quietly, running his fingers loosely through my hair.

“Because it’s obvious to me that we are both at different points in our lives,” I said, actually believing my words for the first time.  “I have goals that I want to reach in my life.  I guess you could think that selfish, but I just don’t think they are possible to achieve if I’m tied down to anyone, especially James.  I already feel like I failed him for not being home to cheer for him and support him, and I’ve always been a firm believer that if you are going to be a couple, you need to put your all into the relationship.  Too often I saw my parents slack in that department and too often I was kept up at night by them arguing about it.”

Surprisingly Matt didn’t have any words of agreement or disagreement for my last statement.  Instead he was the perfect friend for not saying anything for a few quiet moments.  When he finally spoke, he spoke the words I needed to hear most.  “Let’s go back to the bar and drink.”

Time heals.  Alcohol numbs the pain.  And tromping around Europe with two friends helps fulfill the heart.  By the end of our trip it was decided we would be buying a medieval castle in Scotland, get into the gondola business in Venice, propose marriage on the Eiffel Tower in Paris, say our wedding vowels at St. Stephens Cathedral in Vienna, party-crash Oktoberfest in Munich, and run with the bulls in Spain.  Despite my short time in Europe I found I made more memories than I could have ever imagined and had more fun than a kid at a water-park in the summer.  I felt renewed and ready to tackle all the new opportunities ahead of me.

“I swear you are doing the jitterbug in your seat, even when you sleep!” Matt smiled over at me while we flew over the Atlantic Ocean.

“This plane can’t land soon enough,” I divulged.  “I don’t think I realized how homesick I was until we boarded the plane.”

“I have a secret,” Matt leaned over and whispered playfully into my ear.

“What’s that?” I played along.

“I feel the exact same way.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at him.  Matt and I had become very close over the month, especially after we had the talk about James.  He was a complete character that never really seemed to be serious about much of anything.  He was the friend I needed to teach me that it was okay to move on and live my life the way I wanted to and that it was sometimes acceptable to be selfish when it came to making myself happy.  The best part about our friendship, he helped me enjoy my last hurrah before real life set-in.

“Miss Richards, we are very impressed with your portfolio and I have a feeling you are going to be a great fit for Glen Falls.  As you can see we are in need of getting the team out to the public and your ideas are phenomenal!” Rob Brooks, the President of the team, exclaimed while sitting across from me in the board room of the Glen Fall’s Civic Center in New York, which was an hour southwest of Albany.  It was a small town, but it was a beautiful location that I immediately fell in love with.  Lucky for me, I didn’t need the bright lights of a big city to make me happy.  The Catskill’s weren’t the Swiss Alps, but they had a certain lure that made me feel right at home.  However, my goal was to someday end up in the big city, being the head of Media Relations for an NHL team.  For now, I’d have to hone my skills in the AHL, but I this seemed to be the perfect place to do that.  No pressure.  “So when can I expect to hear your final decision?” I asked politely.

“Probably tonight,” he answered, looking around at some of the other big-wigs who nodded with approval.  “If you are offered and accept the job, we would expect you to begin as soon as possible since this is an open position.”

“That is reasonable,” I said with a smile, already knowing I had a fairly large task to tackle with it only being a month before the season was set to begin.  I had a whole website to revamp and I needed to get my plans all in line for the season, including hiring an assistant and taking on a few interns of my own.  So all in all, things were quickly coming together.

A few hours later I received the phone call that I was officially the marketing and media director of the Adarondak Phantoms and that I’d be expected to start work on Monday morning.  It was now only Tuesday.

Wednesday morning I was back in Murray Harbor, PEI.  By early evening I was swimming up to the back of Brad’s boat after messing around on wake-board.

“Thanks for dropping me!” I complained playfully as my cousin pulled me back up into the boat.

“I think you just need to learn how to wake-board, Hanna!” my brother Wyatt chirped from the driver’s seat.  He always drove the boat like an ass-hole when I was hanging off the back, it was something I’d grown used to.  Even though I’d never give him the pleasure of knowing it, but I did enjoy the challenge and I was disappointed when he wasn’t driving.  It was my brother’s own way of telling me he loved me, know matter how fucked up it seemed.

“It’s obvious you’ve been working out because I’m fairly sure you weren’t that ripped when you were in Dallas” Burish chuckled while squeezing my bi-cep.  He and Otter were up spending the week with Brad.  I didn’t realize they were here until Adam came running down the hallway of the airport screaming my name dramatically.  I could have died, not from embarrassment, but more from laughter and happiness.  I didn’t realize how much I missed my two rowdy friends.  I have to admit I felt a mix of emotions when the boys let it slip that James had been up for the weekend, but went home last night.  Jared Boll was getting married and James was the best man.  I’m sure my heart did a little flip-flop, but I’m not sure if it was disappointed or happy.  However, I couldn’t let anything bother me for long because the guys had me talking about my adventures in Europe and New York.

“I had nothing better to do but to work out with the team over in Sweden.  It was either that or go back to my hotel room and be bored out of my mind…” I reminisced.

“Sure as hell looked like you didn’t even sleep with all those pictures on your blog!” Ott remarked.

“I did see and do a lot,” I giggled.  “But there is a lot of down-time too that can’t always be filled up with sight-seeing.  Plus, I was on a bit of a budget.”

“What are you going to do with your free time in Glen Falls?  I can’t imagine there are a ton of things to do there,” Brad said, handing me a beer out of the cooler.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to make a few friends,” I sighed.

“I seriously don’t think you’ll have trouble in that department,” Adam laughed.  “You will have to fend those young guys off with a 10 foot poll if you want to keep your panties on.”  I left a red welt on his back when I slapped him.  He was still rubbing it and pretending that it actually hurt when he went right back at me.  “But then again maybe Matt Murley will be there to fend them off?”

Both Otter and Burish had kept in touch with me via my blog, but of course they wanted to hear more of the in-depth stories I had been hesitant to write about due to the fact my family was also following it.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I scoffed.

“Yeah, what is that all about?!” Brad joined in.  “You two were in a lot of pictures together…”

“He was one of my travel buddies…” I began to defend myself, but it was hopeless with 4 rowdy boys that had wandering minds.  “Whatever guys, nothing happened.  He’s a great friend!” I cried, putting an emphasizing tone on the friend word but I knew it was not worth anymore argument.  They were going to believe what they wanted to believe.  I just prided myself in being smarter than them.

Besides mentioning that James had been here, just miles from my house, nothing more was said about him until that night when we were sitting by the campfire.  It was technically just me and Steve because Burish, Brad and Wyatt were already passed out in their camp chairs.

“So are you going to be a little more open about the situation than James has been?” Steve asked quietly while looking at me sincerely.  He was such a jokester/loud mouth, that sometimes I forgot how serious of a man he could be.

I left out a nervous laugh and pressed the beer bottle to my lips so I could have a moment to think if I really wanted to talk about the subject.  After a long breath, I spoke.  “Everything came at the wrong time I guess.”

Steve’s abrupt laugh at my remark woke up a snoring Adam for just a moment, but he quickly drifted back to sleep.  “It’s like pulling teeth with you two,” Steve shook his head.

“What did he say?” I asked against my better judgment.  I was slowly moving on in my own way, but it didn’t stop me from wondering if I should just call him or show up at his house to profess my love.  I was actually thinking of doing the latter part up until I was offered the job yesterday.  Long distance did work before and there was no way it was going to work this time, especially with all my new responsibilities that I was going to have to learn.

“The same damn thing,” Otter confessed.  “He’s not seeing anyone, if you want to know.  He seems happy, but there just seems to be something missing in his personality…” he paused.  “It’s the same spark you seem to be missing,” he finished.

I let out another nervous laugh and shook my head in denial; the alcohol giving me that lulling feeling that told me I would sleep well tonight.  “Shut up, Otter.  I’m not going to fall for that bullshit.”

“You can call it bullshit, but I do know what I’m talking about, sweetheart.”

Part 2: Chapter 1

Thanks for all the positive comments!! I'm excited to be starting Part 2 of this story!! A word of warning, I won't be posting on a regular basis like most of Part 1 because this is all completely new material, but I promise to post as often as I can.  I was going to make you wait for this, but I couldn't be mean!!

Enjoy!!

Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave
I want you not to go
But you did

Stay or Leave – Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds

Part 2 – Ch. 1

“Hey Nealer!” Staalsy called out after me as I walked down the hall of the Consol Energy after practice in early September.

“What’s up Jordan?” I turned around, continuing to walk, but backwards.

“So Max and Tanger said something about going out tonight, you interested?”

I stopped and took in a breath, holding it for a moment, puffing out my cheeks like a blow-fish.  I’m fairly sure the guys in the Penguin’s locker room thought I was gay because I rarely went out and always ended up with some sort of excuse, last season after I was traded.  When a girl would come onto me, I’d push her over to Max or even TK because I felt so bad for the kid’s pig-nose that I figured he deserved every chance at a girl possible. 

I never talked about her, except to Brad when we’d have our weekly chat or texting sessions.  The only person on the team that knew the truth about me was Nisaknen, but that’s because he came along from Dallas with me.  He was the only one who wasn’t surprised when I came to camp last week laughing and smiling again because he knew the real me; the person I was in Dallas before I was traded and before there was no Hanna and me.

Everyone just figured I was the quiet, introvert on the team.  Time was healing things, it was getting easier for me to laugh and be myself but there were still things I saw or heard that would bring my thoughts back to her. 

It wasn’t sudden.  It was gradual.  She left for Denver a day or two after we left for our roadtrip and by the end of that week she was on a plane to Sweden.  Turns out Jimmy had contacts all over the world, including one that got her a gig with a Swedish Elite team.  She was probably crossing the Atlantic Ocean when I got a call from Ray Shero welcoming me to the Pittsburgh Penguins.  Life became a sudden whirlwind, causing Hanna and I to be tossed to the farthest ends of the universe.  It was a total shock when we went from whispering sweet nothings in the night while tangled together to an errant phone call once a week if we were lucky.  Once Hanna was able to get a phone that worked over-seas we were at least able to talk every other night but by that point it felt like everything we knew about each other had changed. 

She was learning a new language and immersing herself in the culture of a new country while making sure she was putting everything into her 2^nd chance.  I was lost in the cold streets of Pittsburgh and struggling to put even a point on the scoreboard.  I found the trade to be a complete surprise, especially after all the trouble I had gone through over the summer, re-signing with the Stars.  I never expected to be the one to get the boot, especially with all the speculation circulating around Brad and his pending Free Agency.  Between getting to know a whole new locker room, plus the added pressure of being brought here to basically help fill the shoes of Sidney Crosby, I found myself floundering miserably.

“They don’t expect you to be Cindy Crosby,” Hanna tried joking over the phone after I expressed to her how annoyed I was with not being able produce on the ice.  “Although I’m sure all the puck bunnies are thrilled to have some eye candy on the team that could give the kid a run for his prince charming role…”

“Sidney is now my team captain and he’s not the enemy anymore, so no more of your silly nicknames for him,” I scolded her, unable to help myself from smiling.  To be truthful it was still hard to comprehend the league’s golden boy was my team captain, especially since he still wasn’t allowed to be on the ice.  For now he was still a name tag on the locker next to mine.  It was a little surreal.

“Well in that case, you better dish everything you can about him because I am dying to know if he’s gay or not,” she declared into the phone.

“If he’s not?”

“Well then tell him I’m waiting in line with all the other single Canadian women, hoping he’ll ask me to marry me!”

“And what about me?!” I scoffed.

“I’ll let you live in our pool house, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” she giggled.

“Gee, thanks,” I grumbled.

“In all seriousness, I do not find him that attractive.  His brown eyes don’t do it for me I guess...” she mused.  “Except…” she began slowly.  “There was that one Winter Classic poster where it was just him, close up…”

“Really Hanna?!” I cried into the phone.

She began laughing hysterically on the other end, helping me picture her rolling around on the bed like she did when she found something really funny.  “Oh James, lighten up.  You know I am only joking.”

“I know,” I sulked.

“I miss you soooooo much,” she continued.

I sighed into the phone, wishing it was her I was holding instead of the cell phone in my hand that was quickly becoming over heated from use.  “I miss you too, Hanna.  When do you think you will be back in the States?”

“Beginning of May?” she said, not sounding 100% certain.  “I mean, that’s when I graduate and their season ends about that time…but I was hoping to get some sight seeing in considering I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to get back over here to Europe,” she spoke truthfully.

“You might not come home for graduation?” I asked skeptically.

“My parents already said they won’t be able to get out to Denver because they are going to be on a cruise.  They planned it the other year and didn’t even think about the fact that it would be close to my graduation,” she sighed.  “So I was kind of thinking of foregoing the whole walking part and just stay over here for an extra month of something, you know what I mean?”

I felt my chest constrict at the thought of possibly not seeing her for an even longer period of time.  Not that my plans were set in stone yet since we were set to make the playoffs so it wasn’t like I would be heading to the summer home right at the end of the season, but I wouldn’t mind having her in the stands to cheer me on.

“James?” I heard her ask, pulling me from my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“I thought maybe you hung up on me…”

“No, I’m here.”

“You’re upset because I’m thinking of staying here for a bit, aren’t you?”

I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me.  “It’s an awesome opportunity and I understand why you want to stay and do more sightseeing.  You never know when you might get back there, so I say go for it,” I said resolutely, even though it pained me to be truthful.  Jealousy and selfishness was dripping on each word.  I wanted her home in the States to be with me and I was jealous because I didn’t have the freedom to be over in Europe experiencing everything she was.

“I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to be selfish…” she began.

“You’re not.  I am.”

“I guess we both are to an extent.”

“Yeah,” I said solemnly.

“Well, I haven’t made my decision yet, but I will let you know as soon as I do.”

“Okay.”

“Shit, I have to go.  I need to meet with the media crew here before the game tonight,” she suddenly spokeup.

“Alright, well I’ll talk to you later on.  Be safe and have fun.”

“You too.  And James?”

“Yeah?”

“Put the puck in the damn net, would you?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at this.  “Just for you.”

“Just for me.”

I scored my first goal as a Penguin that night in a shoot-out.

A couple weeks later she called to tell me she was staying in Europe until mid-June.

After losing game 7 in the quarter-finals I got a phone call from Team Canada, asking if I would like to come over to Slovakia and play for my country.  I was exhausted from a rollercoaster season, but I couldn’t turn down the chance to play for my country.  So, I found myself on a plane over to Europe, the same continent my Hanna was in.

“I’m soooo sorry about the Game 7 loss…” Hanna said loudly into the phone.

Where ever she was, it was loud, but she didn’t seemed bothered by my phone call.  It had been almost 2 weeks since we spoke because it seemed like our schedules never crossed at the right time.  “Did you get to watch any of the games?  We really fought hard.”

“I got to catch stuff on the internet every now and then.  One of the guys on the team here, Stephan, he somehow gets CBC feeds so he allowed me to hang out his place to watch some of the playoffs,” she informed me cheerfully.  Even though I was glad she was able to catch some of my games, it was just another reminder that we were very far away from each other and I had no clue who she was hanging out with, when she was with them, or where she was spending time with them.  “So what are your plans?!  Are you heading back up to the mother land?”

“I’m actually in Frankfurt,” I said simply, curious to hear her reaction.

“Frankfurt?  I only know one Frankfurt.”

I left out a tight laugh, attempting to picture her face.

“So what brings you to Frankfurt, Germany, Nealer?!” she squeaked into the phone, the background noise suddenly becoming quieter.  She must have stepped out of the room or something.

“I’m waiting for my connecting flight to Bratislava, Slovakia,” I informed her, knowing she was going to yell at me soon for not giving all the info at once.

“Why?” she asked in a higher pitched tone.

“I’m going to be playing in the World Championships.”

“Oh my God that is sooooo awesome!!!!!” she yelped into the phone, yet I sensed some disappointment in her tone.  Is she upset that I’m not here to visit her?  Would I have even thought about just showing up in Europe to see her if I wasn’t asked to come here and play?  

That was when it hit me that the relationship Hanna and I had begun to build a few months ago had cooled down to basically nothing.  We had both gone our separate ways.  It wasn’t totally a bad thing and I was immediately reminded by the words Brad spoke to me on the phone the day before I left for Slovakia.

“James, sometimes people come into our lives at the wrong time.  They leave behind some irreplaceable memories, but you will always be able to look back at them as good memories,” he said evenly.

“I love her, Brad,” I spoke, feeling the denial I had been dealing with over the last couple months rise up in the back of my throat.

“And I’m fairly sure she loves you too, dude, but I think it’s the wrong time for you two.  I think you just need to let it go and see where it takes you both.  If it’s meant to be…”

“…it will happen,” I finished with him in unison, refraining myself from rolling my eyes at my friend’s words of wisdom.  It sounded cliché, but I had seen proof of the words with a few of my friends and teammates.  “Have you sold her the same spiel?”

“In an e-mail the other week, I did.”

“What did she say back?”

“I think that is something you will need to talk to her about.”

The words came back to me and I found myself suddenly blurting out my question.  “Hanna, do you think we’re just going through the motions?”

There was a pause on her end and I could have sworn I saw the wheels turning without even being able to picture her face at the moment.  “I still care for you, James.”

“And I for you, but I feel like we are just hanging onto nothing right now,” I said quietly.

“I think this all happened at the wrong time,” she spoke slowly.  “I’m guessing you and Brad talked about this too?”

I tried to laugh, feeling my throat beginning to constrict with emotion.  It was probably over a while ago, but I didn’t want to see it or even think about it.  “Yeah, he gave me the same old lines they give in the movies.”

I heard her giggle, but with sadness.  “Same here.”

“I want to believe he’s right,” I said honestly.

“Me too.  With my whole heart I do,” she said sincerely.

This time I did leave out an ironic laugh while toying with the bracelet I had made during our short stay together in PEI.  “I definitely didn’t think this would be the conversation I thought we’d be having this moment.  I figured we’d possibly be making plans to meet up while I’m over here…”

She laughed too as she spoke.  “I’d love to see you and I’d love to be there to cheer on team Canada, but I’m actually in the Canary Islands on a little vacation of my own.   I needed some warmth and sun after spending my time in the Nederlands.  In a few days I’m heading back to the damp chills of Ireland and Wales…”

“I’ll be in touch.”

“I’ll add you to my trip blog if you like.”

“Send me the link.”

“Go Canada.  Kick some American ass.”

“No problem.”

Chapter 11 (end of Part 1)

This is the last Chapter in Part 1. As you can assume, the new part will put our hero in a new city with a new team... So, let me know what you think of Part 1!! I want to hear from all you creepers!! :o) Part 2 will start in a few days... so keep an eye out!!

I'm asking for your help, I am going through hell
Afraid nothing can save me but the sound of your voice
You cut out all the noise

I don't understand the meaning of love, but I do not mind if I die trying.

How – Maroon5

Ch. 11

“Are you ever going to stop fidgeting?” James mumbled into the pillow as we lay, spooned together on my bed.

“I just can’t sleep,” I sighed.  “I’m sorry; I’ll at least stop moving so you can get your nap.”

“What’s wrong?”

Everything?  “I just have a ton of shit racing around in my brain.  You would have thought I’d be out like a light with the minimal amount of sleep I got last night, but I’m having the same problem I had last night, my brain just won’t shut up.”

“Things will be fine.  Everything will work out, stop worrying your pretty head and just relax Hanna,” he said soothingly while he began gently rubbing my arm to reiterate the “relax” part.

“How do you do it?” I asked, suddenly rolling over so I could look into his grey eyes.

“Do what?”

“Well you are kind of in a scoring slump as of late…doesn’t that bother you?  I mean I kind of liken that to me not having a job thing and failing my senior internship.”

He left out a small chuckle, tugging at me so that I was now lying on my side, facing him.  “I just deal with it I guess.  It’s hockey.  Slumps happen and I just don’t think of it in a negative way.  I’ll get over my slump once I put the puck in the back of the net.  That’s one of the things your cousin has ingrained into my thick skull.  It’s just like you shouldn’t think of this failed internship as a negative thing.  You got experience and you made some contacts in just the short time you were here.  Jimmy already said he was going to start making contacts and get in touch with your professor back at school to make sure you didn’t get an F.  Everything will be fine.”

“You should be one of those motivational speakers…” I teased, leaning in and kissing the tip of his nose.

“Funny because I’m fairly sure you told me I didn’t talk enough when we first met,” he poked at my stomach.

“Fine, then you can be my own personal motivational speaker since I found ways to make you talk,” I winked, sliding my hand down below the waistband of his boxers and firmly cupping his manhood.

I squeaked when he suddenly moved, pushing me backwards on the bed and forcing himself on top of me.  “You shouldn’t have done that,” he growled hotly in my ear.  “Now I have to motivate you into crying out my name…”

I couldn’t help but giggle while he began laying kisses along my jawline and then going pushing his tongue into my ear, knowing it would make me squeal and claw at him.

Sure, the scoring slump didn’t make me feel very good about things, but like I had told Hanna, I wasn’t going to let it get me down.  I had an extra hop in my step walking into the locker room for tonight’s game knowing that Hanna would be in the stands as my girlfriend and not as an intern for the team.

“How is Hanna taking everything?” Burish asked while we were taping our sticks for the game.

“She’s a little depressed, but that is to be expected.  When we leave for our roadtrip, she’s going to head back to Denver to get things squared away with her professor and find out what she needs to do to at graduate without her GPA completely bottoming out.  She’s hoping to maybe get another internship to prove herself, even though it’s already half-way through February,” I said evenly, trying not to let the thought of her possibly not being here everyday, bother me.

“So she’s leaving Dallas?” Adam asked, sounding as bummed as I felt talking about it.

“Big possibility.  Unless Jimmy pulls through with something in the area.”

“I’m going to miss her.  I still feel really bad about the whole Rachel ordeal.”

“I know, shit happens.”

“Thanks for not being mad at me, but I still owe Hanna, big time.  I’ll see if I can’t get with any of my connections…”

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that,” I smiled, wondering what kind of connections Adam had besides the phone numbers of strippers in each state.

The game ended up going to a shootout and despite my 4 shots on goal I still was a -1 on the boxscore.  However I wasn’t as down as I could have been every time I looked up into the stands and found Hanna’s smiling face.  Brad and I both waved to her at one point during warm-ups and instead of blushing and getting all shy, she bounced up and down and waved with big arms, laughing.  I definitely need that ball of energy in my life.

“You used my mix!” I yelled at Jimmy as he walked into the family room off the locker room.

“How much do you want for it?” he smiled, pulling me into a friendly hug.  “I’m thinking I enjoy this no team polo-shirt for you.  The fan girl look is so much better!” he exclaimed while taking a step back and giving me the once over.  I was wearing a black, fitted Stars shirt where the graphic conveniently stretched across my chest.

“Thanks Jimmy,” I rolled my eyes and smacked him in the shoulder.

“I have a couple things in motion for you, so no worries,” he smiled, squeezing my arm before walking into the locker room to do some post-game interviews.

I was talking with Loui Erikisson’s wife when some of the guys finally walked out of the locker room.

“Hanna Montana!” Otter yelled out boisterously.  “We’re heading out on the town tonight and you are coming along so we can get your all liquored up baby girl!”

I turned around and laughed.  “What, now that I no longer work for the team you all think you can get me involved in your antics?”

“Fuck yea,” he laughed throwing an arm around me, immediately forcing me to walk towards the exit as James came out of the locker room.

“Taking my girl, Otter?!”

“She’s all mine tonight!” Steve chirped back.  I played along by turning around and sending James a devilish wink.

“We’ll see about that!” Burish chimed in, pushing past James and throwing his arm over my other shoulder so that I was sandwiched between the two locker room goofballs.

The rest of the night was spent drinking and dancing Charlie’s Bar.  I couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends and to think I had only known them for a little over a month was slightly mind boggling.  I was just sad knowing that I my time with them was going to be shortened.

“You are quite the hit, Hanna Montana,” Brad observed as we danced together for one of the slow dances.  “The boys are going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss them, but I’m going to miss you the most,” I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder.

“I’m family, so you don’t have an excuse, you have to see me and stay in touch,” he grinned.

“This is true.”

“Besides, I’m sure you’ll be down to visit Nealer…”

“This totally bites.”

“You two will be fine, he’s head over heals for you and a very faithful guy.”

I nodded in agreement.  “Oh no, I totally agree, I would never question his devotion to me.”

“But you’re young, so take care of you first and then focus on everything else,” my cousin warned easily.  He knew all too well how things worked in the uncertainty of the hockey world and saw many failed relationships, including a few of his own.  “You have too bright of a future ahead of you to throw it all away.”

“I have to admit that I’ve been thinking of telling him that we should just take a break,” I said softly, a little surprised that the words came out of my mouth.

“Might be a good idea,” Brad seemed to agree reluctantly.  “I think he’ll take it a little rough, but I also think he’ll understand…at least just let things cool off and re-evaluate in the summer when you have a little better idea of where things are going.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” I paused and looked up into my cousin’s eyes.  “I love him, Brad.”

“I know you do.”

“I just don’t want to mess things up…”

“You’ll do the right thing,” he whispered encouragingly before squeezing me tightly in a hug as the song ended.

“I’m going to miss you, I’m so sorry I won’t be here to see you off to Denver,” I murmured into her soft hair as we stood together in her apartment for the last time.  My heart was breaking already and she wasn’t even out of my arms yet.  I wanted to tell her I loved her and I’m fairly sure it was on the tip of her tongue more than once our last night in bed together, but it was if both of us knew it wasn’t the right time to say the binding words.  I needed her in my life and I showed her that, but fate was one to play cruel hands, so time would either be our best friend or worst enemy.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to travel either here or somewhere else to see you play,” she sniffed, pressing her nose into my chest.

“As soon as you figure out what’s up, let me know and I’ll fly you wherever, even if it’s only for a day, I want to see you.”

“Call me when you get to Edmonton,” she said, pulling back and wiping the tears from her eyes in attempt to stay strong.  I poked at where her dimple normally formed when she smiled, smiling myself.

“What?” she asked, looking at me confused.

“Smile for me.”

Without even meaning to, she did as she asked, “What?” again.

I pushed my finger in the dimple that had formed on her left cheek.  “Right there.  I always love when you smile and this cute dimple forms.”

She pushed playfully away from me and laughed.  “Give me a break, Neal.”

“I’m serious,” I grabbed after her.  “You’re beautiful,” I said sincerely.  “And I’m going to miss the little things like that, so I figured I should tell you that.”

“You’re a hopeless romantic, Nealer.”

“And you have fallen for it, Richards,” I smirked before kissing her firmly.  I didn’t want it to end, so I wrapped my arms tightly around her, pinning her against me.  She didn’t fight. 

It would be the last time we kissed or even saw each other for almost a year.