Chapter 2

Hi All!!! Thank you sooo much for all the followers!! I probably sound silly always saying that, but I really do appreciate knowing people actually want to read what you write!! :o)

So apparently I thought I posted all of Chapter 1 of Part 2, but when I read through it a day later, it's not all there. Soooo the first paragraph is actually the last paragraph of Chapter 1 (which means we are still in James' point of view) I was going to go back and update it, but it didn't make much sense since you might not go back and read it, so I figured I'd just add it to this post. The rest of this Chapter is all from Hanna's point of view... because obviously she's been through just as much.

So now here I was back in Pittsburgh for my first full season with the team.  Sure, the split between Hanna and I was amicable, but it still took its toll.  Luckily the summer gave me all the time in the world to heal and move on.  Hanna’s blog ended at the end of June when she returned back to Canadian soil and so did the sparse contact we had with each other.  I had no clue what she was up to, despite the fact that I still talked to Brad on a regular basis.  However, Hanna’s name was never mentioned except once.  It was as if Brad knew it would only keep the wounds open and he was doing his best to help them close.  The one time he did say her name was when he called to tell me he wasn’t going to resign with Dallas.  Of course there were a lot of factors that made him want to become a free agent but the one thing that put the icing on the cake for him was the way they handled the Hanna/Rachel situation.

“I have to say that the way they handled Hanna’s situation really left a sour taste in my mouth,” he said the night before they announced his free agency.

I agreed whole heartedly.  The organization was not the same I had been drafted to and in a lot of ways I was glad to be gone, especially if Brad was now leaving.

So the goal this season is to move on to bigger and better things for lack of better terms.

“Where are we headed, Staalsy?”

“Diesel, of course!” he threw back a huge, cheesy, white toothed grin.  “Now this is the way for you to start the season, buddy!”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” I smiled back as we bumped fists.

Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.

A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans

Ch. 2

I acted strong on the phone, but when we hung up my legs fell out from underneath me as I slid down the side of the stucco wall, allowing it to dig deep into my skin as I went to the ground.  I didn’t care about the tourists decked out in party gear walking in and out of the doors that were to the left of me.  I barely heard the loud island music pumping outside to the beautiful picturesque resort.  The only thing I saw was my eyes filling with tears and only heard the sound of my heart breaking.

It was inevitable.  Every day that went by was building the foundation towards this, but it still didn’t make it easy to take, especially knowing he was on the same continent that I had been living on for the past couple months and now I wasn’t even able to see him.  Everything suddenly felt hollow inside.  Even though everything had cooled down from the boiling water we had become in such a short time, I still felt whole knowing he was there for me whenever I needed someone to talk to.  Plus, I had been day dreaming about finally being in his arms again when I got back to North America.  Now all those dreams would stay dreams because there was no more us.

He must have found someone else.  I guess this is why I’ve stayed so independent for so long…

Of course I ended up drinking away my sorrows in the Canary Islands, and what a better place to do it than on a far away islands off the western coast of Africa?!  I was there with some of my new friends from the Red Eagles, the Swedish hockey team that I had interned with.  In fact, one of my travel partners was American Matt Murley.  Matt was a forward for the team and it was likely he wasn’t going to be back for another year, so he too wanted to see the continent.  He had done his tour around the NHL/AHL teams, including the Penguins.  Supposedly he was a legend back in PA for going as Sid Crosby's date for Ryan Malone's wedding a few years back.  Of course I asked him the same question I asked James.  He swears the guy is straight. With my new relationship status, my goal in life has been set in stone.  My other travel buddy was Stephan.  He had been playing for the Eagles for 2 seasons now and was from Sweden.  He also knew how to speak a few languages, that included Spanish, German and enough French to be treated politely.  Steph came was just along for the ride and to act as our tour guide, since he had been to several of places we had on the itinerary.

Both were characters and both had become really good friends.  However, I had never told them about James.  They knew I was seeing someone, but I never told them who or that he was actually playing hockey in the NHL.  The night Matt walked out and found me sobbing was the night I finally opened up and began the healing process.

“You need to tell me what is going on,” Matt spoke quietly as he lead me back to our room.  He was actually a very perceptive, humble guy who I probably would have fallen in love with if my heart hadn’t belonged to someone else at the time I met him.  “I know you have been keeping parts of your personal life, personal; which is totally understandable.  However, it’s time to come clean, Sunshine.”

Sunshine was the nickname he gave me because he claimed my brown eyes sparkled even when the sun wasn’t hitting them, so I was obviously my own ball of fire, he insisted.  Over half of the team called me that during my internship.  As much as I loved my time in Dallas, Timra was even that much better.  There was definitely something about waking up and looking out at the beautiful, historic view from my window every morning that was totally romantic.  It’s just a shame I couldn’t share that with James.

I blew my nose and before he pulled me into his chest to coax me to just relax while I told my story.  “I’m fairly sure I fell in love for the first time this past January…” I began.  He listened to me, only stopping me a few times to ask a question or two but then pushed me to keep talking.  As I spoke, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and by the end I had no more tears to cry; it was as if I finally could move on.  “I feel pathetic considering it was only a month and a half and I act like it was a 10 year relationship…” I mumbled.

“Sometimes you can go through a roller-coaster of emotion in a very short-time and sometimes it might be a lifetime to feel all the feelings you felt in that short amount of time.  It’s nothing to be ashamed about.  I’m fairly sure we all dream about falling in love like that at some point in our life.  However, I’m just confused on why you don’t tell him how you really feel,” Matt asked quietly, running his fingers loosely through my hair.

“Because it’s obvious to me that we are both at different points in our lives,” I said, actually believing my words for the first time.  “I have goals that I want to reach in my life.  I guess you could think that selfish, but I just don’t think they are possible to achieve if I’m tied down to anyone, especially James.  I already feel like I failed him for not being home to cheer for him and support him, and I’ve always been a firm believer that if you are going to be a couple, you need to put your all into the relationship.  Too often I saw my parents slack in that department and too often I was kept up at night by them arguing about it.”

Surprisingly Matt didn’t have any words of agreement or disagreement for my last statement.  Instead he was the perfect friend for not saying anything for a few quiet moments.  When he finally spoke, he spoke the words I needed to hear most.  “Let’s go back to the bar and drink.”

Time heals.  Alcohol numbs the pain.  And tromping around Europe with two friends helps fulfill the heart.  By the end of our trip it was decided we would be buying a medieval castle in Scotland, get into the gondola business in Venice, propose marriage on the Eiffel Tower in Paris, say our wedding vowels at St. Stephens Cathedral in Vienna, party-crash Oktoberfest in Munich, and run with the bulls in Spain.  Despite my short time in Europe I found I made more memories than I could have ever imagined and had more fun than a kid at a water-park in the summer.  I felt renewed and ready to tackle all the new opportunities ahead of me.

“I swear you are doing the jitterbug in your seat, even when you sleep!” Matt smiled over at me while we flew over the Atlantic Ocean.

“This plane can’t land soon enough,” I divulged.  “I don’t think I realized how homesick I was until we boarded the plane.”

“I have a secret,” Matt leaned over and whispered playfully into my ear.

“What’s that?” I played along.

“I feel the exact same way.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at him.  Matt and I had become very close over the month, especially after we had the talk about James.  He was a complete character that never really seemed to be serious about much of anything.  He was the friend I needed to teach me that it was okay to move on and live my life the way I wanted to and that it was sometimes acceptable to be selfish when it came to making myself happy.  The best part about our friendship, he helped me enjoy my last hurrah before real life set-in.

“Miss Richards, we are very impressed with your portfolio and I have a feeling you are going to be a great fit for Glen Falls.  As you can see we are in need of getting the team out to the public and your ideas are phenomenal!” Rob Brooks, the President of the team, exclaimed while sitting across from me in the board room of the Glen Fall’s Civic Center in New York, which was an hour southwest of Albany.  It was a small town, but it was a beautiful location that I immediately fell in love with.  Lucky for me, I didn’t need the bright lights of a big city to make me happy.  The Catskill’s weren’t the Swiss Alps, but they had a certain lure that made me feel right at home.  However, my goal was to someday end up in the big city, being the head of Media Relations for an NHL team.  For now, I’d have to hone my skills in the AHL, but I this seemed to be the perfect place to do that.  No pressure.  “So when can I expect to hear your final decision?” I asked politely.

“Probably tonight,” he answered, looking around at some of the other big-wigs who nodded with approval.  “If you are offered and accept the job, we would expect you to begin as soon as possible since this is an open position.”

“That is reasonable,” I said with a smile, already knowing I had a fairly large task to tackle with it only being a month before the season was set to begin.  I had a whole website to revamp and I needed to get my plans all in line for the season, including hiring an assistant and taking on a few interns of my own.  So all in all, things were quickly coming together.

A few hours later I received the phone call that I was officially the marketing and media director of the Adarondak Phantoms and that I’d be expected to start work on Monday morning.  It was now only Tuesday.

Wednesday morning I was back in Murray Harbor, PEI.  By early evening I was swimming up to the back of Brad’s boat after messing around on wake-board.

“Thanks for dropping me!” I complained playfully as my cousin pulled me back up into the boat.

“I think you just need to learn how to wake-board, Hanna!” my brother Wyatt chirped from the driver’s seat.  He always drove the boat like an ass-hole when I was hanging off the back, it was something I’d grown used to.  Even though I’d never give him the pleasure of knowing it, but I did enjoy the challenge and I was disappointed when he wasn’t driving.  It was my brother’s own way of telling me he loved me, know matter how fucked up it seemed.

“It’s obvious you’ve been working out because I’m fairly sure you weren’t that ripped when you were in Dallas” Burish chuckled while squeezing my bi-cep.  He and Otter were up spending the week with Brad.  I didn’t realize they were here until Adam came running down the hallway of the airport screaming my name dramatically.  I could have died, not from embarrassment, but more from laughter and happiness.  I didn’t realize how much I missed my two rowdy friends.  I have to admit I felt a mix of emotions when the boys let it slip that James had been up for the weekend, but went home last night.  Jared Boll was getting married and James was the best man.  I’m sure my heart did a little flip-flop, but I’m not sure if it was disappointed or happy.  However, I couldn’t let anything bother me for long because the guys had me talking about my adventures in Europe and New York.

“I had nothing better to do but to work out with the team over in Sweden.  It was either that or go back to my hotel room and be bored out of my mind…” I reminisced.

“Sure as hell looked like you didn’t even sleep with all those pictures on your blog!” Ott remarked.

“I did see and do a lot,” I giggled.  “But there is a lot of down-time too that can’t always be filled up with sight-seeing.  Plus, I was on a bit of a budget.”

“What are you going to do with your free time in Glen Falls?  I can’t imagine there are a ton of things to do there,” Brad said, handing me a beer out of the cooler.

“Hopefully I’ll be able to make a few friends,” I sighed.

“I seriously don’t think you’ll have trouble in that department,” Adam laughed.  “You will have to fend those young guys off with a 10 foot poll if you want to keep your panties on.”  I left a red welt on his back when I slapped him.  He was still rubbing it and pretending that it actually hurt when he went right back at me.  “But then again maybe Matt Murley will be there to fend them off?”

Both Otter and Burish had kept in touch with me via my blog, but of course they wanted to hear more of the in-depth stories I had been hesitant to write about due to the fact my family was also following it.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I scoffed.

“Yeah, what is that all about?!” Brad joined in.  “You two were in a lot of pictures together…”

“He was one of my travel buddies…” I began to defend myself, but it was hopeless with 4 rowdy boys that had wandering minds.  “Whatever guys, nothing happened.  He’s a great friend!” I cried, putting an emphasizing tone on the friend word but I knew it was not worth anymore argument.  They were going to believe what they wanted to believe.  I just prided myself in being smarter than them.

Besides mentioning that James had been here, just miles from my house, nothing more was said about him until that night when we were sitting by the campfire.  It was technically just me and Steve because Burish, Brad and Wyatt were already passed out in their camp chairs.

“So are you going to be a little more open about the situation than James has been?” Steve asked quietly while looking at me sincerely.  He was such a jokester/loud mouth, that sometimes I forgot how serious of a man he could be.

I left out a nervous laugh and pressed the beer bottle to my lips so I could have a moment to think if I really wanted to talk about the subject.  After a long breath, I spoke.  “Everything came at the wrong time I guess.”

Steve’s abrupt laugh at my remark woke up a snoring Adam for just a moment, but he quickly drifted back to sleep.  “It’s like pulling teeth with you two,” Steve shook his head.

“What did he say?” I asked against my better judgment.  I was slowly moving on in my own way, but it didn’t stop me from wondering if I should just call him or show up at his house to profess my love.  I was actually thinking of doing the latter part up until I was offered the job yesterday.  Long distance did work before and there was no way it was going to work this time, especially with all my new responsibilities that I was going to have to learn.

“The same damn thing,” Otter confessed.  “He’s not seeing anyone, if you want to know.  He seems happy, but there just seems to be something missing in his personality…” he paused.  “It’s the same spark you seem to be missing,” he finished.

I let out another nervous laugh and shook my head in denial; the alcohol giving me that lulling feeling that told me I would sleep well tonight.  “Shut up, Otter.  I’m not going to fall for that bullshit.”

“You can call it bullshit, but I do know what I’m talking about, sweetheart.”