Chapter 7

Hey All!! Loving the feedback on the poll... I knew there were more of you out there reading!! You've been caught! haha. Anyway, I will be closing out my little poll when I get back on Tuesday and let you all know which story I will be posting.  If it's not your pick that gets posted, don't worry because I will be posting all of the stories somewhere along the way!!

Anyway, I wanted to post this, this AM, but I didn't have this finished until later on during the day... Sorry to keep you all waiting. I hope you enjoy the song too, it's one of my favorites and it fits just perfectly!!

Oh! And one more thing before the main event.  It's a holiday weekend (Happy Canada Day!! and of course Happy 4th of July!) which means I'm heading North and that equals no computer nor phone service (thank GOD)... but I'm going to see if I can't sweet talk one of my chicas into posting Chapter 8 on Sunday... it's not proofread or tweeked, otherwise I'd schedule it... so I will finish that up tomorrow and hopefully you can look for it on Sunday... if not, I'm sorry, but you'll be waiting until Tuesday!!

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

Gravity – Sara Bareilles

Ch. 7

“Stay right here!  I will be right back to countdown the New Year with you!” Sidney smiled happily, letting his hands fall from my sides for the first time in over an hour of dancing together.  After asking a couple people who were close to him within the last year, my question on if he was gay or not was finally put to rest with an invite to spend the night with him after everyone left.  I informed him sweetly that I was unable to, but thanked him politely as my inner monologue was screaming out, “What?! Are you Crazy?!” Despite the fact of declaring numerous times over the past several years that I wanted to be in line to marry Canada’s Most Eligible Bachelor, I was in no way comfortable being a one night stand with the Captain of James’ team, nor had I ever been the type to cheat on my boyfriend.  The guy isn’t that dreamy and I’m not that kind of girl, even with all the alcohol bubbling through my veins at the moment. 

They started the countdown and I saw Sidney come down the stairs with a whole bottle of expensive champagne in his hands.  I was smiling at him until I noticed the dark clothed man following him down the steps.

His hair was shorter than the last time I ran my fingers through it, but it was obvious I would still be able to thread them through it.  It was purposely tousled, giving him the preppy look when it was coupled with the form-fitting black knit sweater he was wearing.  His dark, custom jeans accentuated his ass and strained perfectly across his thighs as he walked down the steps.  I froze when I felt his eyes train on me.  My body burned and I shivered when I finally worked up the nerve to look him in the eyes.

“Happy New Year’s!” everyone yelled out in unison, but I was unable to move or speak.

She looked nothing like my dreams, probably for the simple fact that in the 2 months we were together, I am 100% sure she never dressed like this.  The dress looked like it had been sewn onto her body.   Her hair was longer with layers that framed her lightly make-up painted face.  Her dark brown eyes were sparkling with anticipation and surprise.

After a minute of staring at each other, Sidney finally found her and he was obviously too drunk to realize that we were lost in another time and place.

“Nealer! Meet Hanna!” he said loudly, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her against him.

I clenched my jaw, taking everything I had not to punch my friend for touching Hanna before I could even touch her.  “Hanna,” I nodded politely, offering her my left hand to shake, hoping she’d notice I still wore the same matching bracelet she was wearing that I had made her almost a year ago.  She glanced down, looking slightly confused on why I was shaking her hand with my left one, but soon she reached out with her right hand to lightly finger the floss bracelet on my wrist, still holding tightly to my hand.  I then lifted her hand and pressed my lips softly to the top of it.  “You look beautiful.”

“You don’t look bad yourself, Neal,” she flashed a smile.  “Happy New Year,” she whispered, taking a step towards me and placing a chaste kiss on my cheek.  I could feel the heat radiating from her body and was intoxicated by the faint smell of vanilla on her skin.  As she began to pull back, I wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her to me like I had that night we first made love at her apartment in Dallas.  She left out a surprised breath and looked searchingly into my eyes.

“Hanna,” I mouthed right before pressing my lips to hers.  Her lips felt like home and I could have sworn I saw the two wonderful months we spent together flash through my mind.  I shivered as her fingers tips pressed to the back of my neck and into my hair.  My hands were firmly holding her against the whole length of my body and I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to let go.

“Geesh, Nealer!  You sure do know how to step up the game!” Staal yelled close by, pulling me back into reality and ending the deep, endeavoring kiss.  I kept my arms around Hanna, keeping her against me while I turned to find a drunk Sid scowling and Jordan nodding proudly.

“I think we need to talk,” Hanna whispered lightly in my ear.

I nodded and allowed her to step back from me.  She moved over to Sid, kissed him on the cheek and whispered something into his ear.  His scowl melted away and he just smiled and nodded.  He gave her a quick hug, kissed her on the cheek and then winked at me.  As much as I wanted to know what she said, there was a lot more I wanted to talk to her about, so I took her hand and led her upstairs and to an empty guest room, locking the door behind me.

My mind was racing a million miles a minute and I felt light headed as he led me up the steps.  There were so many things I wanted to say and so many things I wanted to do, but I wasn’t sure which one was more important.  However, it seemed James already had a plan.

I was standing in front of the bed, with my hands at my sides, nervously flexing and unflexing them as I looked at the floor.  I was staring at the top of his shoes when his hand gently lifted my face.

“Something interesting down there?” he smiled playfully at me.

“No, not really…” I smiled back.  “I-I didn’t know you would be here…Matt didn’t tell me whose house we were going to for the party…”

“Would you have still come if you knew I would be here?” he asked seriously.

I paused for a moment and answered truthfully.  “I don’t know.”

He nodded his head once and looked intently at me.  I could tell his mind was also racing.  I flinched in surprise when his large hand cupped my cheek.  “There are so many things I want to say to you, but then again there are so many things I want to do to you…” he laughed nervously.

“Well, how about I just tell you now that it is probably safer if we just talk because I am not a single woman,” I spoke, truly unaware how I was able to get the words out.  I was going to be truthful with him because lies were only going to make things worse for both of us.

A look of surprise flashed across his face as he nodded but his hand did not leave my cheek and I could have sworn it was going to burn a hold through my skin.  “So you are with Matt,” he said quietly.

“No, actually I’m not.  Matt is my best friend, we met over in Sweden.  I’m seeing one of the guys in Glen Falls.”

“How long?”

“For a few months.”

“Is it serious?”

“I like him a lot.”

“Do you love him?”

I had to look away when I answered him.  “We are taking it slow.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” he chuckled sadly, finally dropping his hand from my cheek.  He turned and began pacing back and forth like an unsettled leopard.  The tension in the room was unbearable and all I could do was sit down on the side of the bed and drop my head in my hands.  I gulped in a few breaths and left out a quiet sob, willing myself not to cry.  This was not at all how I pictured our reunion.  We should have been naked and intertwined in one another by now.  If I didn’t have the respect and feelings for Mike, I would have let that all happen, but I was not that kind of girl.  I did not cheat on people I was seeing and I would definitely not do that to Mike.  It would be unfair.  So yeah, my first love was locked in the same room with me, but it didn’t change the situation between us.  We were still in two different places.

I was about to blurt this out when my cell phone began blaring obnoxiously.  James stopped and looked at me as I answered it.

“Mike?”

“Happy New Year, Baby Girl!!!!!!!” he yelled into the phone. 

I couldn’t help but smile sadly into the phone when I replied.  “Happy New Year, Mike.”

“What’s wrong?” he immediately said.  “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I answered, totally not wanting to get into a conversation about the current situation.  I looked up to find James looking sadly at me.  He then turned, unlocked the door and walked out, leaving me alone in the room with Mike persistent that I needed to talk to him because it definitely did not sound like I was okay.  Damn him for being so perceptive.

“Yo!  Neal!  You leaving?”  someone yelled as I grabbed my coat.  Soon the person was standing next to me and I realized it was Matt Murley.  “Where is Hanna?”

“She’s upstairs on the phone with Mike,” I informed him through clenched teeth.  I turned to walk out the door, but he grabbed onto my arm, stopping me.

“What did you expect?  She had to move on.”

“It’s none of your damn business.  You don’t know shit,” I snapped, surprising myself because I didn’t normally become nasty to people I didn’t know.

“See, that’s where you have it all wrong.  It is my business because I was the one that had to keep her smiling when all she wanted to do was cry after you broke it off.  I was the one who had to listen to how much she was in love with you and how she couldn’t live without you.  I was the one who had to listen to all that shit when I myself had fallen for her.  So don’t stand here and tell me I don’t know shit,” he hissed.

“Oh, so you want to rub it in my face that you slept with my girl?” I growled, taking a step into his personal space, suddenly feeling like I needed to punch something.  Before Matt could even begin to make excuses or push me away, Hanna was between us.

She pushed me backwards, grabbed my wrist and pulled me outside into the cold, snowy night, slamming the door behind her.  “What the fuck is your problem?!” she cried.  “Now you have not only made me look like some tramp, but you’ve also made a complete ass out of yourself!  I don’t need to say this, but I will because I don’t want you to think bad of Matt.  He’s my best friend.  We did not sleep together even though I probably had more than my fair amount of chances.  If you are pissed off because we aren’t upstairs in that bedroom making up for the past year, then get over yourself.  For you to think I am a slut who cheats on their boyfriend is real low, Neal.  I figured you thought more of me than that,” she hissed, the steam coming from her breath making her seem like she was a fire breathing dragon.

She was right.  I overstepped my boundaries and I should understand and be respectful of the fact that she was seeing someone else.  I ran my fingers through my hair, only to find that it was covered in snow because it was coming down harder and harder.  That was when I realized she was standing out in the cold without a coat.  I quickly slipped off my coat and attempted to wrap it around her but she dodged out of the way.  “Hanna, I’m sorry,” I pleaded.  “I’ve been an absolute wreck since you left for Europe…”

“You’re not the only one who suffered.”

I sighed, knowing she still very agitated.  “I know this, but it’s not like you put up a fight when I said about splitting…”

“What did you expect me to say?!” she yelled, the fire burning in her eyes.  “Oh, James, I know you don’t want to keep this going, but let’s just stay together anyway and pretend this is all going well…  It wasn’t the right time and now obviously isn’t the right time,” she finished, tears streaming down her face.

“But what if we made this the right time,” I spoke hoarsely.  “Can you stand here and tell me you don’t love me?”

She looked up at me and stared for a moment.  “No, I can’t,” she said firmly before turning and walking back into the house, leaving me outside to wonder if she meant that we couldn’t make this the right time or if she couldn’t not say she loved me.

I had to walk away.  I couldn’t give him the right answer.  I couldn’t tell him I loved him because it wasn’t the right time and I obviously had some things to fix.  I was glad he didn’t follow me back into the house and I was even more glad that Matt was there waiting to hold me while I cried in a dark corner of Sid’s house.  It wasn’t long after that we left and headed back to the hotel.  The next morning I flew to Philadelphia just as Mike and I had planned.  The beautiful snow covered land made me yearn for the simplicity it portrayed.  After staring out the window for a while, I leaned back, closed my eyes and focused on my next step.